Shadow Choices
To go or not to go, that is the question.
No, I do not mean to rehash whether or not it was best to go to the family Thanksgiving dinner, although that issue will be hashed again for the remaining holidays. My sister and I ceased attending the extended family gatherings long ago, and I get snippets of the resultant and critical scuttlebutt. “But we don’t discuss politics or religion, so why don’t you come? Isn’t family more important?” To the first, I respond, what is more worth discussing? Isn’t it woefully inauthentic to avoid the topics of creeping fascism; a madman president who is also a thief and a creep; the resurrection of Jesus as a nationalist, misogynist, racist weapon…especially around “His” Holy day? To the second questioning rationale: No. Family is not more important than every value I hold dear, and family who would support this cruelty is not family of spirit as well as blood. We pass. I will not enable (and validate) the enablers through my accepting presence.
But, still, I do not mean that as the question of: To go or not to go. It is, rather, to go or not go out of the country. It is getting increasingly difficult to obtain residency elsewhere, as an American of moderate means and within the parameters each of us possesses. It might become impossible if Trump closes the borders, entrapping us all as the Cubans and North Koreans are trapped, behind the walls of a tyrant. Impossible, you say? Did you see all of THIS coming? His threats are not rhetorical and he has spoken of this very thing. He has threatened to keep us in as he continues to evict and deny others entry. This is not a conservatism of freedom, we must stop allowing those words, but a non-ideological will to power on the order of a Stalin, a Mao, a Hitler, or of a dystopian and non-empathetic New Man.
[My latest shirt]
At what point does one stop fighting and flee? Never? Now? I tell myself I can fight from anywhere. I tell myself I must create a place for my children to find refuge. I sometimes feel like a quitter or a coward. I have deep, deep opposing and strong pulls. Family and prairie here; family and causes there. Pluses here; minuses there. Not America; a tyrannical America.
My current position is to create a Plan B and watch closely. I leave for Belize in a few weeks as part of that plan, to scout and think and prepare.
Don’t misunderstand. I see signs of hope. But we are not out of the fascist woods, and the rustlings are getting louder and more desperate as our singing gets louder and more confident. Best to carry a big branch and keep an eye towards an alternative path of retreat. No? Stand one’s ground and fight to the end? Is there a third way: Keep fighting unless and until all seems lost and then take the path to regroup and fight again? What do you think?
[Hmm…]
On the day we started a new resistance group here in Indiana, my heart said stay. It is a small but passionate, bipartisan group. Two of the most passionate are Vietnam veterans; one said I was brave to stand in town with my husband and our signs. I told him that if he crawled through a jungle while being hunted, I could stand with a sign while being insulted. He heard me; I cried. But even brave soldiers sometimes retreat to higher ground, change hills from which to fight, live to fight another day. I will die quickly under full fascism because I cannot stay quiet. Hollering “come get me” in that jungle does not seem wise. I am confused.
On that same day, we joined the potluck hosted by another resistance group in a town about 45 minutes away. We protest with them most Saturdays in that more purple county seat. They brought their homemade dishes (this is Indiana), passed out “know your rights” cards to give to Hispanic friends, visited in that truly Midwestern fashion, sang “This Land is Our Land”. Beautiful. I cannot leave. I have to leave. I am torn and sorrowful…and pissed.
This is all pretty obvious. But maybe not all of it. Remember that shadow work I promised to discuss? Perhaps, this is also part of that. Shadow work is simply bringing what one has suppressed (or repressed; I get those two confused) in the subconscious to the conscious. Calling forth what one may not want to think about, and thinking about it. Some of the simpler texts recommend embracing and integrating all of the Shadow self. I call that particular view of those simpler texts, bunk.
This is why. The Shadow has good and bad, things from the darkest part of one/you/me that we may wish to acknowledge and accept, and things that we should work on expelling from our Self. But we do not know which to pull in and which to push out if we do not get a good look at those hiding little buggers first. This is the shadow work I am doing this winter.
It is looking pretty likely that the “to go or not to go” decision ought to involve my whole Self and not just the ego self, and bringing the light into the shadows, or the shadows into the light, could help with an answer. I will work on that. You work on you. Hopefully, such work will be good for us, and the country and the planet and the collective consciousness. Amen to Jung, who thought this all up. And the God of My Heart, and yours if you have one.
Try discussing all this at your next holiday dinner. A little Jungian family analysis with the tofurkey? A bit of collective, family shadow work? Hey, if they won’t let you talk politics or religion, see how Uncle Trumpian likes discussing what lies in the depth of his being, unacknowledged and denied. Or tackle the American collective consciousness, the dark things that allow detention camps, calling women piggy, and illegally killing people on boats. Sounds fun to me!
Let me know how that goes.
In the meantime, we are expecting almost a foot of snow and I have some work to do on behalf of elephants in zoos (an awful place for an elephant, by the way). The snow may prevent the next protest but I will keep doing my calls (especially against Indiana redistricting), and there is an upcoming meeting on dealing with ICE as they get ever so close to our neighborhoods here. Having the gestapo in the heartland will be both interesting and horrifyingly terrible. Then, there is Belize.
[Because folks like to see the dog family, my grand-dog and the ChiQueen…]
Keep fighting, resisting, talking, hoping, crying, doing the best you can. Sending you some Hoosier snow to glitter in your light and remind you not to be afraid of the dark, that retainer of many mysteries. Can’t have one without the other. Who is it that said, in the midst of darkness, light persists? Gandhi? And Goethe reminded us that there is much light where there is strong shadow. I will let Jung have (most of) the last words:
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
And me, neither so wise nor eloquent: Not all light is good; not all darkness evil. Your heart knows the difference and your soul benefits from choosing.
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From the cold, snowy belly , Linda
480.540.6816
Animal Chaplain – spiritual & emotional support for people who love animals & planet
Operation Pachamama – anti-poaching NFP working in Africa (save rhinos!)
RoseMotte Prairie– rewilding for biodiversity in Indiana (save insects!)
Retired attorney & university professor; Rosicrucian & shamanic practitioner